Compassionately Funding Bigfoot
A Fable of Spending Your Future Away
Joseph Jackson looked at the proposal in front of him. Marilyn Cabildera, chief executive officer of Hiker, an outdoor apparel and hiking manufacturer, pointed to the bold headline, “Why Finding Bigfoot is Essential to World Order and Fairness.”
Cabildera had come to Jackson with the pitch to get funding for deep exploration for the mythical Bigfoot.
Jackson, “I am skeptical. How do we know we will find Bigfoot?”
Cabildera, “We won’t find Bigfoot unless we try. So far, no other methods have worked. But our research at Hiker confirms that the many sitings of Bigfoot were with amateurs, and that those people were simply not equipped to conduct the search.
“We’ve solved that problem,” she continued, “Our firm, Hiker, has developed cutting-edge apparel, equipment, and observation tools that will increase our chances of locating this elusive creature.”
Jackson gulped and slowly shook his head negatively. “I don’ t know. My children will think I’m a fool for funding such a risky venture.”
“This is for the children,” Cabildera responded, her voice dripping with compassion and earnestness, “think of the legacy you will leave them. The man who found Bigfoot!”
Turning to the last page of the proposal, Jackson surveyed the cost. The total was over $10 million. Other than airfares, local transportation, and some taxes, the money would go to outfitting the expedition.
“This looks like $8.2 million, over 80% of the funds are going to your firm, Hiker,” said Jackson in a concerned voice.
“I’m offended Mr. Jackson!” Cabildera retorted, “everything we spend will be subject to competitive bids, with very specific requirements. Any supplier who can meet the requirements can win the bid.”
“But you are the one writing the requirements,” Jackson reasoned, “And in any case, I don’t have $10 million. Wish I did, but as a middle-income working person I’ve saved for my retirement, medical care and put aside a little for my children’s education.”
“No worries,” Cabildera purred, “you can finance the entire project.”
“Surely you are joking,” a shocked Jackson cried, “I won’t see $10 million in my lifetime, and you want me to borrow that kind of money?”
Cabildera laughed. “Nothing to be concerned about. I have a bank with unlimited funds. We simply borrow now and fund this expedition.”
“How do I pay back this bank?” asked a quizzical Jackson.
With a broad smile, Cabildera breathed, “You don’t need to. You don’t even need to cover all the interest charges.”
Jackson stared at the pages in front of him. He always thought that finding Bigfoot would be good for his country and the world. And now he had a chance to make his mark.
Noting the confused look on Jackson’s face, Cabildera smoothly went for the close, “By taking on this debt, and the compounding interest, you simply pledge the future earnings of your children, their children, and probably their children.”
Jackson felt the revulsion in his stomach. His gut was telling him that something was very wrong. Cabildera was securing millions for herself, the outcome was perhaps a chimera, and he was bankrupting his heirs.
Sensing his hesitation, Cabildera smiled softly, “Ours isn’t the only project funded like this. Many others do the same thing. Be nice. Go along to get along. You’ve read about the institutional protections that guard the status quo.”
Jackson sat in stunned silence. The horror of being powerless began to sink in.
Cabildera offered a pen to sign the agreement, “We don’t actually need your permission Mr. Jackson. We don’t even need to tell you about it. I could have just as easily obligated you and your future generations without telling you. Your neighbors can be obligated without their permission, and their future generations, too. So be a compassionate citizen and sign here.”
“That can’t be true!” Jackson exploded, “Obligating my children, grandchildren, and me without permission on a speculative pursuit that benefits you? There must be a way to say no to this!”
Cabildera sat back, “No one is representing you, your children, or your grandchildren Sir. The only way you can stop this is shutting down the unlimited bank. And so many are feeding at that trough with deals just like this that will never happen.”
Onward.